“Stop blaming your outside circumstances for your inner chaos.”
Most of the theories in psychology talk about the association of a person’s behavior to the external stimuli. Be it cognitive psychology, where the past develops the certain perceptions or notions in the mind of an individual, or Transaction analysis, where the person acts in different ego states, based on the Stimuli. Or the fundamental attribution theory, where to judge the performance of an individual in any terms, measuring the external events is also essential.
All theories I have encountered, talked about how circumstances change our behavior, how a good being can turn into a cynical being and how one is ought to be empathetic to the rest of the world.
These theories are the channels of understanding the complex human mind and how two beings can act differently in same situations; like, the sun hardens the clay but the same sun melts the ice too. But let’s not forget the key to these problems, the note for self on how we constantly ponder over the circumstances and give them the power over our mind and actions.
Situations do leave human beings gasping for help or at times makes one do those things , which they thought of never even attempting. External stimuli do render you more vulnerable, it makes you paint yourself in one corner.
Circumstances, they are beyond human control, but how one deals with it lies within the personal boundaries. But sadly, sometimes circumstances render the sharpest minds numb. That’s when one witnesses their lows, some are able to rise above it, some stay in that mystical land, where their productivity maybe nil, but their mind is always preoccupied with nothingness. Where at that moment all is pleasure, but it destroys you internally, that’s when circumstances give birth to an escapist, that is exactly when avoiding situations or pseudo occupying yourself to evade the situations escalate.
Pseudo occupying , a deep phrase , is where the person seems to be , and believes to be busy , the attitude sinks in them so much , that they do not realize that it is a part of them. That is where most individuals lose their true self and run in the race of this ensnared life.
Leaving things onto destiny and running with the flow has a very thin line difference. In the former there is acceptance and peace, in latter, there is escapism and chaos.
The latter ones are the people who play the blame game for their inner chaos. A Game , on how something has changed their behavior , how they have been in a situation they are in, these are the people who don’t get up and take charge of life, who just let the situations take toll over them.
One may not realize, but escapism is easy and can divert the attention off the situation but it is one of the root causes of anger outbursts, emotional boils, depression or in worst cases loss of life. Yes, giving up on situations can be as drastic as loss of life, simply because they do not have the power to change their situations, nor the courage to accept the current turmoil they are facing.
That’s where these theories help understanding the complexities in life, but they also come with how to deal with them. How to come out of the viscous circle and take charge of your life.
The problem with most of us is we focus on things we do not want, and hence never able to change the situations.
The universe doesn’t understand negation; it is obedient and serves you what you ask for.
Focus on things you want in life, ‘your thoughts become things’ and do not blame the circumstances for the inner tornado you are dealing with , instead use it as a tool for empathy , which can help you put yourself in someone else’s shoe better. There is absolutely nobody in this world who doesn’t feel that the situation they are in is the most back-breaking. But, when you are feeling helpless, try helping others, it will make you grow as an individual, you will start feeling better about your life, try putting yourself in the place of others , the world looks different from the eye lens of each and every individual, no two beings share the eye lens for the life we live.
( With the bare minimum experience that I have , all I can say is the best way to help yourself out of circumstances , is to completely be with you and work on yourself.)